LWD

Nicole Miller, well done. I'm picturing this dress ($465, www.nicolemiller.com) with a bondage heel similar to the pair seen above except shinier, more intricate. Sleekety sleek hair. And a bold red lip.

Excuse Me

An open letter to the peeps at Starbucks who think it's just fine and dandy to stand directly in FRONT and CENTER of the accoutrement station when a simple shift to the left or right would open up space for at least two to three other patrons to pour Splenda in their venti soy lattes and make it to work on time: DO YOU SEE THAT LITTLE HOLE IN THE COUNTER TOP? YEAH THE SAUCER-SIZED ONE WHERE ALL THE GARBAGE GOES? IT MIGHT TAKE A FEW MINUTES AND A BIT OF ELBOW GREASE TO GET YOUR HEAD SQUEEZED THROUGH THERE, BUT I THINK IT'S DOABLE.

Throwback

I think the fragrance one choses, much like the actions one does, speaks a thousand words. Or something like that. You know...you can totally visualize the girl who's got Clinique Happy on her dresser [gag reflex]. And the guy who's into Polo [my first 7 to 10 makeouts]. Liz Claiborne Curve? Dude, we got you pegged (and we can also smell you from the opposite end of the subway car)! Gucci Rush was my innagural "high end" fragrance purchase, sometime in my early teens. I busted it out of vanity table oblivion last night and now I can't get enough of it. The bottle is red and graphic, it smells like cotton candy on acid. I think the ads were basically two sweaty people grinding on each other. So, you know...me, I'm just a simple girl at heart.

Comments

Ahhh, remember the days (above). Not so much anymore. And so, a listicle inspired by Monday’s episode:
-DAN HUMPHREY! Stop talking so fast. It doesn’t make your quips sound any quippier.
-Jenny Humphrey…like many a makeup artist (outside of those who are employed by your show) will tell you, when it comes to lips and eyes, you must make a choice. One or the other! You cannot have both. We agree, Blondie is the bomb. Except it is not 1983. And you are 12.
-Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. Shudder.
-Serena, I covet your entire outfit (+ major hair envy) in the party scene. You are free to go.
-Pretty Nate! I’m sure you do like to “experiment,” now, don’t you? Run along.
-To Blair, Chuck and all others involved in the implausible, tangled, eye-brow crossing “Goatee Bandit Uncle Faux-or-Not? Mother” plot line: get out while you can. You’re just going to find yourselves stranded outside of Silvercup Studios with nary a driver or borrowed dress in sight. This ridiculousness sounds the end.

Also

...featured in the spring J. Crew catalog is my friend's dad. Who is not too skinny.

Woah Rex

As a person who has admired many a slender model in her day, I am no stranger to jutting hip bones and a waist to end all waists. I rather covet the clothes-hanger look, thank you very much. But to an extent, people. And there is a time and a place. So J. Crew, that of the aspirational-yet-mass-market intentions (and kick-a$$ costume jewelry this season, credit where credit is due), where is your social conscience!!! The model featured in your new spring catalog is way too skinny. Way, way, too skinny. Like alarmingly so. She makes that string she is twirling around her finger look bloated.

Say What

I have experienced hotelier Andre Balazs in person several times in my life and let's just say the man is a HOT ROD. He has that je ne sais quoi that spans age and time and height requirements. He walks into a room and the hemlines rise and the hearts aflutter. He just has IT. So the news that he is dating Courtney Love, hot mess extraordinaire, is puzzling to say the least. As my father said to me after a particularly irresponsible performance this past weekend: Dear, I think it's time to reevaluate your decision-making process. Perhaps Andre and I should reevaluate together. Call me.