Highlands

Sad but true, the bartender is usually the most interesting and charismatic person at the bar. He’s probably an actor or in a band or something which is way hotter than that Dbag to your right who works at a hedge fund. Mind you, neither is relationship material. But at least Bartender Man can tell a good story and doesn’t throw out gag me b.s. like “It’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle” on a regular basis (recent date, true story). Last night after dinner at Yerba Buena Perry (which was YUM and totally go there for a mojito and some avocado fries) my friends and I stumbled over to Highlands on West 10th Street and found ourselves a new favorite mixologist. His name is Jonathan and he’s also a yoga or pilates teacher or something. He makes a great “Perfect Gimlet” (tall order) and wears his plaid shirt uniform with pride, even in the midst of Highlands’ stuffy, can-someone-turn-up-the-AC? vibe. Oh, and the door guy is cute too.

Motivation

New Year…resolution. This is a sign I made for my kitchen cabinet (notice the ghetto missing pull). All in good fun, of course. My sister and I are going to LA in roughly five weeks and let’s face it the peeps there are skinnier than Rachel Zoe’s latte.

Oh Andrew

Clearly, my favorite cast-member from “The Real World XXIII: DC” is cartoonist Andrew Woods. This surprised me a bit because back when I was “Real World age” like last year (ahhhhahaha) I probably wouldn’t have given Andrew a second glance. Nope. Pretty sure I would be too busy hanging out with Ty or some similarly fratty/ornery dude of the sort. With age comes wisdom, ladies. With age comes wisdom. So on last night’s episode Ashley was doing her b*tch and moan schpeel again which COME ON knock it off already and in the midst of Mr. Half Eyebrows McGee listening and being all calm and collected, Andrew walked by in the background and made a ridiculous face. Which is exactly what I would have done, so Team Andrew. Pretty sure he’s the only one on the show with a brain or a future, as much of a fixer-upper as he may be. Call me.

Jerk Off

“I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life,” John Mayer admits in the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Masturbatory is certainly a word most people would use to describe Mayer, even without the help of one of his expertly-crafted soundbites.

Home Run

Bull Durham is one of my all-time favorite movies. I could watch that sh*t every hour on the hour for probably an entire weekend before getting even a little sick of it. Let’s face it, Kevin Costner (as Dbaggy in real life as he seems) is at the top of his game—no pun intended—and by the time he gets done with his “I believe” monologue just stick a fork in me OK? Thanks. But the real genius is Susan Sarandon. She’s already technically a bit past her prime at this point (1988), yet so very simmering and fluttery and carnal. Tim Robbins is 10 years younger than her and the on-screen chemistry was so intense it continued off-screen into a decades-long marriage. But wait, they’re getting divorced. I heard that and I was like WHAT. And being a product of our effed up society, I immediately thought: Tim’s got himself a younger gal. But (hehehehe) joke’s on me. Because Soos has outdone herself again, this time with a rumored 30-something beau. And I would call the bluff of Page Six and others if I hadn’t sat behind her and said beau at a recent screening. Not saying I witnessed anything randy. I actually thought he was cute and was all, is that her son? So maybe it is hearsay. But I wouldn’t put it past her. And that is why she continues to be awesome.

Woah

I appreciate a skinny b*tch as much as the rest of them, but Jennifer Garner looked downright scary at the Globes last night. It’s always a peculiar thing when a woman who typically looks lean and fit crosses over to gaunt and malnourished. I mean, we’ve been looking at Rachel Zoe in full skin and bones regalia for 100 years now; it’s no longer a jolt to the system. But there is a new hollow quality to Jen, a dead-man-walking, chills-down-the-spine (and look, there’s her spine!) situation. And where was Ben, eh? I bet she’s one of those women who loses her appetite when she’s going through some personal issues, or amps up her exercise routine or both. And yes, that is my way of speculating.

Tough Love

Do people watch “Tough Love”? I'm not so sure they do. I’m going to have to take a wild guess and say it flies a bit under the radar. It’s one of those VH1 shows that’s at a weird time on Sunday night and who the hell is Steve Ward anyway? He looks like a cross between Michael Buble and a Muppet. But there’s something charming about the whole shtick. On one hand, we have a twentysomething dude in a cheap suit dishing out relationship advice. On the other hand, idiots. It’s a fascinating combo. Because at the end of the day, what necessarily separates a twentysomething dude from a group of idiots? Not a whole lot.