Intervention

This is going to be my only (semi-behind-the-times) commentary on the Met Ball. Because let's face it, even if you're Christina Hendricks and you're wearing a shower curtain cut and cinched for maximum cleavage exposure, you're still gorgeous and famous and probably making more money on one episode of "Mad Men" than your average American makes in a year. And on top of it, you got invited to the Met Ball. So whatevs to you! That said, can someone please have a convo with Blake Lively's legs? Because we are aware of this: they are ridiculous. And amazing. In fact, I want to SCALE them. But they are giving Lindsay Lohan a run for her money in the category of "overexposed and bronzed-beyond-recognition." We can even skip the bronzed part. I'm just thinking, it might be nice to see BL in an outfit that offers up a bit less crotch. You know, like a lace thong, or some sheer pantyhose.

Shiny

Gawker.com has posted photos (via "The Attorney General of Mexico"!) of the above bedazzled gun collection belonging to a person from Mexico whose name is so long, it definitely could not be Tweeted. Seems this probably not very morally-minded person is actually in jail and has like 31 weapons covered in gold and diamonds and such. Which is scary. Except upon first seeing the photos I thought: glamorous! And then: ridiculous, but in a good way. Finally: eeks, but still cool. Which is probably not the thought process of your typical church-going citizen. Or an even mildly liberal Democrat, for that matter.

Yikes

I was just minding my business last night, watching dvr'd E! News at 10 pm like every other normal person and suddenly there was young Miley Cyrus, my arch nemisis because she is "supposedly" dating that hunk of Australian beef they call Liam Helmsworthington III or something similar, and she was not looking very classy. Which isn't suprising! What is surprising is this: Miley's new video (for some semi-catchy dance song that I will probably have on my i-pod in less than two weeks) is her first attempt to break out of the G-rated Disney bubble and it is WEAK. I mean don't get me wrong. Good for her. She could have waited until she was 18 but we all know she's running around like a little hooch anyway so who cares. But sweetheart. Hire a decent creative team! That sh*t is no better than warmed up Christina Aguilera circa 1999. Not to mention, the song is about how she "can't be tamed" so can we put our heads together and come up with a less obvious reference than caged animal in aggressive eye makeup? Thanks.