Sigh

I'm really excited for J G-L to host SNL this weekend. I'm not shy about my love for "500 Days of Summer." In fact, I dare you to watch it and not in the very least develop a soft spot for him. He's talented and subtle and a bit goofy and dark-all very good things. I think he's going to kill it. Also, one of the few young actors out there right now who I think is on the verge of doing some amazing work...for a long time. Warm fuzziness all around.

Oh Brother

You see. There is something not right about this.

Hair Envy

Her puzzling waist-to-shoulder ratio and overall grumpiness aside, Claire Danes' hair in this pic is goddess-like, otherworldly if you will. I very much want to pet it.

Surrious?

I have moments of ennui every time I watch "Glee." I'm annoyed I thought I was too cool to hang out with the theatre kids in high school because as grating as that Rachel is, I'm pretty sure she's going to make a lot of money some day without ever having to sit behind a desk and make copies. I had a crush on the teacher at first, but now I just find him exasperating and uninteresting among other blatantly-obvious-but-never-addressed qualities. I think Jayma Mays is genius and where has she been all of this time? Perusing the racks of J. Crew apparently. Jane Lynch goes without saying. But at the end of the day, there's something far more sinister than jazz hands and dark humor going on here, and it's called the casting of 27-year-old men as teenage boys.

So Pretty

Well lookey here. Zac Efron's big boy movie about Orson Welles premiered last night in London and isn't he a twinkling specimen to behold? Not to say that he's not FIVE-or 80 pounds-but there's something spesh about Zac, and I am rooting for him. Although I have a feeling that Justin Timberlake is not.

Such A Broad

So last night on "The City," Whitney and Roxy (who I kind of like solely for her name but then also because she is certifiably insane and has a gravel voice and is def that friend that wakes up in her bathtub naked several days a week) were sitting around at work talking about this guy that Roxy thought was interested in her. But he wasn't. And who cares because he hangs out with old models at The Gates of all horrendous places and wears hats inside when it's not even cold OUTSIDE. Like it's LA or something! It's not. So they were yap yap yapping and you could feel the tension building in the offices of People's Revolution. A revolution of sorts was upon us. And suddenly...Kelly Cutrone's voice comes barreling from ahigh, wherever that windowed office of hers is because you can never really tell. And she says to Whitney (who always handles the intimidation factor with such grace and humor, I must say, although it could just be the Zolof): "Sorry to break up your knitting circle." Which is awesome.

Jealous Rage

Seth Meyers was on David Letterman last night and he told a story about how his girlfriend's father has a pet goat. Apparently her brother brought the goat home "to eat" (this was a questionable explanation) and her father took a liking to it and, well, now they have a pet goat named something I forget and Seth got into an argument with it on a beach somewhere. But the main gist I got from this story is: SETH MEYERS HAS A GIRLFRIEND?! Because that is not allowed. And also now I hate goats. And fathers.

Loving Her

I would like to be friends with Alexa Chung. Thanks bye.

Moon Men

Full disclosure: I have tickets to the midnight showing of "New Moon" on Thursday night/Friday morning and I haven't been 14 years old in a very long time. I'm going with about eight other losers and we are effing psyched! I don't have much else to say about this, besides I am def Team Edward, Robert Pattinson can wear the hell out of a tux with a skinny black tie and I'm still on the fence about Kristin Stewart. I think she scowls too much and needs to stop yanking at her hair like a mental patient. That said, the tortured soul bit is intriguing. So I will keep you posted on that one.

Hot Air

January Jones has the kind of blank and pleasant beauty so mesmerizing it makes people forget she's a crap actress. In fact, just last week I had a girl crush on her. Because one second she's wearing a headband and white gloves and the next she's on the red carpet all avant garde with rocker studs and smokey eyes. So I'm loving the juxtaposition. But then she decided to do a little thing called not being Betty Draper. It started somewhere around mid-week with Jimmy Fallon, which she giggled her way through (briefly charming, then grating, then mind-boggling). After turning everyone's brain into jelly, she fell back on the old pretty girl trick of drinking beer like a dude. This was supposed to make us forget the fact that she had just spent seven minutes contributing absolutely nothing to the conversation and it did. So I was all set to give her a second look with SNL. Because why not root for the cheerleader with a heart of gold? It would be interesting if she showed up and bodyslammed it, proved Ashton wrong and gave the American public one more thing to puzzle over beyond her genetic jackpot of an appearance. But that didn't happen. Nope, not even a little bit. And instead I spent the entire episode with my mouth slightly ajar, fruitlessly attempting to coach her through her lines like a crazed stage mother. She broke character during the fart sketch, which was completely unwarranted (because-ahem-it wasn't funny). And can we talk about the closing sketch. She's lying on a picnic blanket with Jason Sudeikis and every word out of her mouth is like a non-sequitor on top of a bag full of oxygen on top of a black hole. Because that just about sums up the January Jones experience. And while I can't speak for the writers, I'm guessing that was no coincidence. Also-pretty sure she wasn't in on the joke.

Mandcandy Moment

Every once in a while I'm in the mood for a little light and positivity...and mancandy. Hence Josh Lucas here looking edible and doing it for the children. Josh made an appearance today in support of a non-profit organization called Only Make Believe and swoon is a word that comes to mind. No bother that the little girl in the backwards hat appears to be levitating. She's high on Josh, and so am I.

STDbag

Ugh. Really?

Shiver

As much as I loves me some Kardashian-watching and secretly wish I could hang out with especially Khloe and wear yellow patent Louboutins and short shorts on a road trip, there is something fitting about Chad Rogers of that horrendous LA real estate program attending Kim's birthday party the other night. I'm pretty tolerant of horrendousness. I actually take great pleasure in it on a regular basis, evidenced by my DVR schedule. But everyone has their limits, and ol' dead lips here is the embodiment of mine. He's just really bad. As in, infuriatingly bad. I look at him and all I'm getting is: Mazeratis and formica and Black Amex Russian Roulette-an overload of Dbaggy images reflecting off the shiny blazer and into my bleeding eyes. Would you purchase a home from this man? My mom gave me the same haircut when I was three and I'm still angry.

Freddie Fackelbag

There is pretty much only one photo of Whitney Port's upcoming "City" love interest Freddie Fackelmayer to be found on the internet and this is a glorious thing. Because the camera doesn't lie, folks, and either do I. I've seen this guy twice in person: once at a crowded charity function (he was following Whitney and the cameras were following them) and a second time in Montauk, which is appropriate seeing as his friends-via commentary on nymag.com-assure the general public his tan [basted turkey complexion] comes the natural way, courtesy of early morning shred sessions in Ditch Plains (natch!). Dude has bone structure-and height-to spare. He's also supposedly a NICE PERSON. I doth not protest this fact. But simple things can push even the nicest, prettiest of people from hott surfer into dbagdom, and Cheeto face is one of these things. He's making his "City" debut next week, and the previews are blindingly tan. In person it's overwhelming, to say the least. I'm talking white shirt under a black light overwhelming. So FF: You're chasing swells, ripping and being gharly, wearing items of clothing that zip up the back, fine. Let's slather on some sunblock, shall we? Happy to help.

Deep Thoughts

The other night on "The Hills," Audrina and her tat-ified sister were standing around in some LA boutique that sells $80 "really soft" see-through t-shirts talking about man scarf-wearing Justin Bobby and his recent shenanigans with Kristin Cavallieri. Who is a man-eater apparently. They were going on and on about "Kristin's a biatch" and "she's a bad seed" and referencing Lauren Conran's character judgement skills. And then at the end of all the catiness and thinly-veiled jealousy, there was a pregnant pause (during which if a bubble popped up over Audrina's head, it would have been either blank or filled with woodland fairies) and Tat Sibling declared Justin Bobby a "douche." To which Audrina responded: blank woodland fairies. This was all sorts of funny to me because it's been like, what, 95 years of back and forth with the Justin Bobby thing? And there is Audrina standing in a boutique chattering on about girl code and wishing she had a hog between her legs. And...woah Tatty Sis with the observational skills!

Unnecessary

My favorite thing about Kanye West is not JUST that he does blatantly Dbaggy things. I mean, one expects him to do Dbaggy things. It's not even something you could wager a bet on because it's pretty much a done deal: if Kanye's there, he's gonna wear sunglasses inside or show up with some girlfriend [beard] who never wears pants or-you know-jump onstage and bully a gushing teenager who sings straight from her diary. All of that stuff is par for the course. What's really, truly great about Kanye is the fact that he does these things and then apologizes after. Like, he's at some sweaty afterparty Tweeting from his Blackberry in all caps no less: HEY I'M NOT CRAZY JUST REAL AND I'M GONNA SAY SORRY TO TAYLOR and blah vomit gurgle burp spit my god shut the eff up. Also, since Taylor Swift has basically made a career out of turning her life into song, let's all collectively look forward to her next hit single, shall we?