Commentary

About a week ago I was out with a friend from college. We kind of blindly grazed from bar to house party to bar, looking for something of interest but never really having our thirst quenched. In other words, a typical night as a single woman with half a brain cell in New York. We ended up at a place down the street from me that--let's face it--I frequent, and from across the bar, I received a text: "Jeanie it's me, blankety blank, across the bar," it said. Except her name is not blankety blank. It's more like something that rhymes with Verica, so let's just call her Kerica. So Kerica, who is a person I have zero interest in randomly running into for no apparent reason beyond the fact that she's a vortex of suckage, mosied over to our side of the bar with her sidekick Bertha, who was a tall, stout, rather jolly woman. I started conversing with Bertha as a means of NOT conversing with Kerica, and Kerica conversed with my poor friend, who is nicer and more tolerant than I. After leaving, my friend mentioned that Kerica expressed concern about Bertha conversing with me and all, seeing as Bertha is a slap-happy kind of gal and I am (she used this word) "cynical." I found this amusing, not only because it's true, but because Kerica used this word as an insult, whereas I found it to be rather complimentary. So I just laughed and shook my head, rather un-cynically. And Kerica can suck it.

Filthy Josh

Josh Lucas is a rare, rare species of man. He's got that kind of rough-around-the-edges but still pretty-to-look-at crinkly eye quality born of the great Paul Newman. If he broke his nose five times he would probably get even better-looking. When he talks it sounds like what honey running over gravel would sound like if it made a sound. And phew! Where was I? He is (curiously) in this new Katherine Heigl movie and was on Jimmy Fallon last night promoting it. His main reason for being in the movie is this: "I have always had a crush on Katherine Heigl." This reason of his is both points off and points gained in my book. Points off because she seems "trying" as a person to say the least and points gained because I happen to also be tall and blond and, well, let's be honest here, also "trying" as a person. So this crush of his bodes well for me! And really there is no other good reason for him to be in a Heigl movie other than some sort of carnal motivation. Were he to say, "The script was phenomenal," I would have myself a new slot to fill on the virtual bedpost of Jeanie Bueller, upon which Clive Owen holds the top slot and Seth Meyers is coming in at a close second. Anyway, the other point I should have made within the first three sentences is that Josh is an entrepreneur! Yes. And not just any entrepreneur, an entrepreneur with a dirty mind, which makes me like him that much more, if that's even possible. Seems he helped invent some sort of drink accoutrement called the "Filthy Pickle," which is an olive stuffed with a mini pickle and is about as "suggestive" in both name and image as any drink accoutrement could be (outside of a maraschino cherry pierced by a tiny plastic sword, of course). Nudge nudge, wink wink Josh!