WTF

I'm not sure who started this whole "my skirt is two inches to short and an inch too small in circumference" trend. It was either Kelly Bensimon or Blake Lively. I like to think it was Blake and that Kelly followed suit, you know, desperately grasping at her lost California babe Blakeness circa 1983, but I think Kelly may have been doing this SINCE 1983, long before anyone was paying attention, so let's just go with Kelly. But either way this frightening nonexistent hemline epidemic has infected Heidi Klum as is clearly illustrated in the above photo from the Emmys. A lot of questions run through my head when I see a shot like this, such as: Is her evening bag one of those really large, flat "envelope" sizes so that when she inevitably sits down she can place it over her thighs so that her entire crotch isn't exposed under the lights of the Nokia Theatre? And, when she was having this dress specially tailored/made to fit her body, did she specifically turn to the designer and say, "Just cut it right above the thickest part of my leg. Yes, right there, just below the seam of my Hanky Pankys. As much inner thigh exposed as possible. Exactly." Because I'm pretty sure that's a direct quote.